When Sunshine Is Hiding

When sunshine is hiding, we all know, that today will not be a bright day. yup, definitely dark. probably with rain. without rainbow. or even a flash of sunlight. but it could be the flash of storm. how ever, no matter how dark the rain, the life must go on. even the heart has broken, falling apart, torn so hard, but still, i have to stand still, must show that i am not giving up, even though i had fall for thousand times, crying so hard deep in my heart, keep my anger for a long time and release all of them, make me feeling-less rite now...

i smile to them, but yet i'm still unhappy. i laugh with them, but yet i'm still crying. i enjoy with them, but still i'm hurting. how could i keep all these pain in my self when it could kill me silently??? they are stress, and they are telling me their feelings. but me, just remain silent in front of them. they are happy, and they share with. i'm happy too, but still my heart is not healing. how could i torture my self like this??? don't u know someone called friend to hear all ur voices in ur heart? it could be because too much of voices in my heart, and i confuse what to start with.

i tell my self, "u are strong adibah. u can handle this. u don't have to cry." but totally, i am WRONG. why? because, when i'm not crying, i'm actually keeping all the hate+hurt feelings in my heart. at least, by crying, i can release a part of them.

till then, one night of terror (is it really a terror?) when i couldn't handle it so much more, making crying out loud, releasing all the things inside my heart, with no doubt. it is so, so, so, bad nite for me. crying like someone who has lost all of her life. lost all of her soul. makes me feeling-less, heart-less, breathe-less, mind-less, and i'm totally losing my self actually...

luckily got friends by my side to calm me down, give strength, hug me tightly, whisper to me, that i'm keeping this too hard, and i should let it go. thanks a lot my friends...

for those who causing me to cry badly, thanks a lot. u won. i cry a lot just because of you. u did it. congratulation. i am proud of you. you have done it beautifully. no doubt. i salute you so much!!!

u force me to hate u, each time when u're speaking to me. each time, when u're looking to me. and it's getting hurt actually when u're smiling to... because it's hurt to accept that someone who smiling to me is actually hurting me deeply...

my heart has torn... broken... falling apart... love-less... sick of you... ruined... and i'm losing my self..my mind..my soul....

u seized my happiness.. u seized my sunshine...u spoil my day... thank u so much.. i appreciate it well... keep it up....